"Life is not always a rose garden; in fact, sometimes it is pure hell! It's a jungle out there! Only when you realize that and come able to protect yourself and your family against all beasts, including those which walk on two legs, carry guns and drop bombs from the sky, will you be able to feel secure sleeping in the comfort of your woman's arms."
~ Obama bin Laden
TOS pansy scam: Toast to south of the boarder!
Let me pretend for a moment that I'm I have an anonymous source and happen to be privy to confidential conversations between a Top Dog at CP and his Hired Gun attorney. This is the guy who planned and executed this 10% commission TOS mouse click pansy scam with their clever lawyer Hired Gun. Here is what I imagine they might be saying:
ACT I SCENE I
Two executives are talking in the HQ offices of a major POD service provider, CP (Cyber Print Enterprises, Inc.). Just outside the window upon the fan-like leaf of a tree is a small inconspicuous speck that looks quite like an exotic fly. A black van is parked a quarter of a mile away inside of which is a PI sits with headphones on listening to and recording every word of what is said.
It's A Jungle Out There!
TOP DOG: Ha! Ha! This 10% commission TOS mouse click pansy scam is the greatest thing to happen since we started CP.
HIRED GUN: I told you so!
TOP DOG: Who would have ever thought! Now I can buy that estate in Costa Rica!
HIRED GUN: Yeah, I can't wait to get down there.
TOP DOG: Yeah! The property is like pure paradise! And just think of the exchange rate!
HIRED GUN: Oh, I took that into consideration. If you read the fine print, we won't have to pay any taxes, provided we open a factory within three years.
TOP GUN: And the cost of labor there, we can kiss goodbye to these gripping workers who always want more, more, more! Who do they think they are? I hate employees who think they are worth anything more than two cents an hour, when all they do is print out what the computers tell them to, box it up and ship it off. The only thing I hate more it all 'em cyberspace shopkeepers who think they are worth more than 10% commission.
HIRED GUN: That's for sure. The audacity of these people, to really think they are worth anything more than 10%! They ought to be thanking us, worshipping us for allowing them to make one cent! If it were not for us allowing them to start a business they would not be making anything!
TOP GUN: Right you are! They are totally worthless; a dime a dozen. Just pansies! What I can't wait for is when we open a factory in China. Then we will start making real money! Billions and billions instead of just millions and millions!
HIRED GUN: And the women there ... they are use to being told by their men what to do. No arguments from them. I can't wait. Will have my own harem!
TOP GUN: Yeah, we can kiss the wives goodbye forever! The tail in Costa Rica is not that bad either.
HIRED GUN: Oh I know! I wasn't just writing fine print when down there negotiating for the estate. That one night on the beach, under a full moon, drinking margaritas with that pretty senorita, listening to the waves rushing in ... rush, rush, rushing in ... it was pure heaven!
TOP GUN: I hear that. Can't wait to relocate and try the local color. What were the mosquitoes like?
HIRED GUN: I was so high I didn't even notice any mosquitoes, not a single one! But next morning after rolling in the sand with that senorita, I had sand flea bites all over my butt! So I just thought about all the money rolling in from this 10% commission TOS flip-flop mouse click pansy scam, and all the pain went away!
TOP GUN: Yeah, I don't hurt no more either from the divorce. Why that woman, she said she would leave me if I didn't stop being such a bully. These women, who they think they are? We pay their way and get no respect. It sure will be nice not to have that to contend with down in paradise where the babes roll over and smile when you wave greenbacks under their nose.
HIRED GUN: We won't have any shortage of those, greenbacks or wetbacks, to work the presses south of the border!
TOP GUN: Yeah, and won't have to worry about all these illegal immigrants with no green cards and the IRS either, breathing up our backs, taking more and more every year! This 10% commissions TOS mouse click pansy scam rip-off is the greatest idea you've had since that scam you told me about you ran on Wall Street.
It's A Jungle Out There!
HIRED GUN: Shooooo! Don't mention that. Never can tell who might be listening. Bugs you know! They could be anywhere! In the phones! In the light bulbs! Even had a dream last night one was up my butt!
TOP GUN: It might not be a dream. The Feds get wind of what we're doing, ripping off millions of idiot, ignorant fools who call themselves "Artists," they might want a piece of the pie for themselves. You know, a little under the table to keep quiet.
HIRED GUN: Just keep it down. Bugs could be anywhere. They are making them so small now days. Even heard they had one now that looked like a fly. They stick 'em on the window and can pick up everything that is said, transmitting it to a remote receiver. So shut the frick up!
TOP GUN: Okay! Okay! You sure are paranoid today. Think 'em pills you've been popping might be spooking you.
HIRED GUN: Yeah, well if you knew what was in that fine print, you might be spooked too! Hee, hee! Its funny, though. All these millions of suckers actually clicking, clicking, clicking, with their tiny mouse and actually agreeing to part with their work for pennies! I'm laughing all the way to the bank! What pansies!
TOP GUN: I hear that! A sucker is born every five minutes! No, every five seconds! No, every five milliseconds! Isn't the Internet great! Click! Click! Click! Pansies clicking 'em mouses day in, day out, only getting 10% commissions, and all the rest for us! Ha! Ha! Ha! What suckers! What pansies! Sure glad we don't have to pay them anymore for what their work is really worth!
It's A Jungle Out There!
HIRED GUN: I told you so. Just make 'em all click on that TOS agreement and we are scot free. They can't complain. They can't argue. They can't even sue us! Because they all clicked, clicked, clicked and agreed. What suckers! What utter pansies!
TOP GUN: Ha! Ha! Hee! Hee! Yeah, that's funny. I'm laughing all the way to the bank! Sure will nice sipping margaritas around the pool down in Costa Rica. Ha! Ha! Ha! Every second more greenbacks come rolling in and the numbers keep going up! Why I'm glad there is electronic transfer of funds! We'd need a freight train to cart away all this money if it were in silver or gold!
HIRED GUN: Don't I know! Had some dreams 'bout that too, when on Wall Street. Just glad I wasn't in the Twin Towers on 9/11. That still haunts me. Ever since that nightmare I don't worry about ripping people off of their money. You only live once! So I say, "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may die!"
TOP GUN: That's true. If these pansy fools all realized what we were doing, how we were screwing them up the butt, they might come after us with guns and bombs!
HIRED GUN: Why do think I proposed we move shop south of the boarder! No law suits! No mad, irate customers! No IRS! No Feds! You have to cover your butt! But just in case someone is bugging you, you have to have a backup plan. Hence let's toast to Costa Rica! Senoritas! And margaritas!
CONCLUDING SCENE: The door of the black van opens and the PI steps out. He places a small tape inside an envelope and addresses it to his client, a freelance writer who lives halfway across the country. Then he walks across the street and deposits the envelop into a mail box just before the mail is due to be picked up. Three minutes later the black van is gone and a mail truck rolls up to the mailbox, picks up the mail, and drives away. The scene switches to a dark room a thousand miles away where a figure sits at a computer, tap, tap, taping on the keyboard. Then upon the screen is shown an image which say, "It's a Jungle Out There!"
If you look closely you can see the small exotic fly. But it is not a fly; it is a remotely controlled robotics device, a highly sensitive electronic sensor able to detect and relay the smallest of fluctuations and vibrations. You can see the image at www.byteland.org/itsajungleoutthere
For the rest of the story, stay tuned. It will be posted at www.byteland.org/itsajungleoutthere along with other featured designs related to this tale. Enjoy!
It's A Jungle Out There!
Associates
This is a work of fiction and is presented as an innovative way to market original and unique gifts and apparel creations through the process of telling a story. All characters, events and other presentation are fictions; any resemblance to real people is entirely coincidental. CP is CyberPrint Enterprises, Inc., a fictional company, and has nothing to do with a real POD service provider company which people sometimes refer to as "CP."
